Survey

There is one.

Go take it. Than if you'd like, tell me about your candidate.

Really, Whats the Object Here?

What is the point of voting anymore? Does anyone actually hold to the illusion that the most 'deserving' candidate will win? The only thing the losers that are paraded in front of our television deserve are giant helpings of scorn and derision.

The candidate that would serve as the best president likely wouldn't make it to the fucking primaries. He (or she) wouldn't be the kind of person that wheels and deals through slimy political circles, fellating the special interest groups for campaign contributions. So here we are again. The entire nation standing around with our metaphorical dicks in our hands: being asked to once again choose the lesser of the two evils for yet another round of fuckage.

I’m writing in my own candidate: the tranny hooker who hangs out at Carrows across the street. At least the guys she screws all leave with smiles.

Thats Where 'it' Is

Its been more than a year and half since I took this position and all of the perks and responsibilities that came with it.

When I was a temp I was making shit money, just enough to pay the rent and keep the fridge stocked (with beer). I was broke but I was undoubtedly a hell of a lot happier because I had the power to leave at any time. Just leave a big ‘fuck you’ on the monitor and never come back.

Now.. well.. now it’s a bit different, isn’t it? The money is great, but they don’t tell you that as soon as you start using it, your utterly in the shit. The bills pile up and the ability to fuck off at a moments notice disappears. People depend on you for their well being. The fridge has wonder bread and lunch meats.

For the record I never dropped a job, temporary or otherwise, without the requisite two weeks. It was enough to have the illusion of freedom.

The Fairer Sex

Holy Farking Christ. This article made my man parts jump way up inside my body. They're terrified and refusing to come out until I promise to get a vasectomy.

Also!

I've been using the term 'felonious cocksucking' quiet a bit (as in 'felonious cocksucking with intent to swallow', as in Reservoir Dogs), but she actually took it to a whole new level. Congratulations lady, you keep on living that dream.

And Now for Something Completely Different

You think Britney Spears has some sort of monopoly on the self destructive crazy? Shaving your head and prancing around naked in a fountain is a pretty good trick, but if you want to take your camera loving self destruction to a whole new level, have your people call Mrs. Amy Winehouse.

I don't care how good her music is. She looks like something that hides under bridges coming out after dark to feed on small children and billy goats. Of course the tabloids love her because she's a train wreck filmed in slow motion with all the glorious details that go into a first rate celebrity death.

Why the general public wants to hear about her wacky shenanigans is beyond me.

Life From Afar

Have you guys heard of Chuck Palahniuk? He wrote fight club and is the proud owner of this quote:

"When you have insomnia, you're never really asleep... and you're never really awake."

Now replace 'insomnia' with 'jet lag' and its a perfect description of where my head is on this fine Californian day.

Fight club also has this quote tucked in somewhere towards the middle of the book and it describes jet lag directly. Its just a bit to angsty for my taste.

"You wake up at Seatac, SFO, LAX. You wake up at O'Hare, Dallas-Fort Worth, BWI. Pacific, mountain, central. Lose an hour, gain an hour. This is your life, and it's ending one minute at a time. You wake up at Air Harbor International. If you wake up at a different time, in a different place, could you wake up as a different person? "

I'm In Dallas

I'm not positive, but I am pretty sure that this may be the most god awful place these bastards have sent me to, to date.

I cannot believe how out of fucking hand urban sprawl can get if not constrained by land scarcity.

Can't Relate

I’m walking down the street yesterday thinking about my impending trip out to Dallas and what that may mean in terms of my future with this company. I’m pretty thrilled, since it seems I may have finally reached that yuppy golden calf: middle management.

Anyway, I’m walking down to the bar to get a beer with the Woman, when some street urchin kid half my age (Ok, side not: When did half my age become a teenager? When did Half My Age start smoking and borrowing their mothers minivan? Half My Age used to be a kid in the middle of puberty for fucks sake! Anyway…) shoves me and sullenly declares “What are you looking at? Don’t look at me!”.

As a general rule I don’t punch girls, but if I hadn’t been distracted or noticed that it was in fact a girl, I would have kicked her right in the ovaries. Jesus Christ.

Who the Hell is Ron Paul?

Do you have any idea how difficult it is to raise 8 million dollars in one day without PACs? Something like 96% of this guys revenue comes from individuals (compare that to a 50 – 50 of regular candidates).

Anyway, I looked him up and I gotta say I’m impressed. Maybe you remember my rant about Barry Goldwater? Yeah, this guy is pretty damn close. The Libertarians and the Constitutionalists both endorse him, and he’s running as a Republican.

And I notice that Huckabee and that unbelievable cocksucker, Romney, are in the lead.

America, listen closely: electing a man that thinks its just fine and dandy to have an official state religion is a bad plan. Like fucking a hooker without prophylactics bad. Like punching yourself repeatedly in the face bad. Like civil war bad.

I'm New To This

I don't have the wisdom that experience brings, helping to guide me through the decisions and soothing the worries. I'm new, and I all I have to go by is what I feel is right and what I feel is wrong.

Thats the disclaimer: I could be absolutely and unreservedly incorrect about these notions.

That being said, I’m the one that’s doing all of the heavy lifting here. I’m in this goddamn office sixty hours a week, working what could possibly be the most boring job in the world outside of those women in China that knit like 60 sweaters a day. Yes I know the Woman has her schooling and some freelance crap on the side; it doesn’t compare on a per-hour basis.

Laughing at me when I demand my daily home cooked meal, beer, and blow job is not an acceptable reaction.

I’m just sayin’.

2008: Much Like 2007

I cant get into the whole New Years resolution business. I’ve tried it years past, and I can honestly say that not a single ‘resolution’ passed the two month mark.

Besides, lets say you decided to give up all of your unhealthy habits and subscribe to a healthier lifestyle. Could you really go a full year on a diet without the succor of alcohol and nicotine? And would that year be worth living?

I say fuck that. Don’t shoot heroine into your eyeballs every day of the month. That’s overdoing it. Don’t pretend your going to all of a sudden drop from a (respectable) size 8 to a size 1 in two months. That’s overdoing it too.

And no, the two do not cosmically balance each other out. The key word here is moderation.